Phases

Almost like clockwork, I go through several different phases of computer interests in my life. Some can go on for a few weeks, others for several months, and none of them are the same each time they occur. Upon reflecting on my different phases, I've noted the most consuming ones below:

The Diablo-Imitation phase: This phase I'm currently neck deep into now, and it involves looking for games that imitate the Diablo addictiveness that I first experienced in the late 90's. I can't stand the original Diablo games, because it's just so old looking, so I try to look for new ones and I usually end up resurfacing games that I already own like Titan Quest and Silverfall, to name a few.

The Learning phase: This phase I just recently exited after about 7 months of really taking it to the streets. I learned so much it's hard to put into words, but basically the last 7 months have seen myself emerging from clueless amateur, to confident amateur. I'v gone through teaching sessions that range from After Effects compositions and video editing, to 3D animation and sound reproduction. Even though I am still practicing with Fusion Radio, I'm not actively looking for tutorials unless I get stuck.

The Machinima phase: Machinima is taking a highly modifiable game engine and creating cinematic pieces with them. Level design, animation, effects, all created with the purpose of telling a story instead of playing a game. I just got done with this phase, it lasted about 3 days and quickly led into the Diablo-Imitation phase, although I am still thinking about it, I need motivation. Long before, I was animating with the Warcraft 3 engine in 2003 and the Unreal engine in 1999.

The Music phase: I haven't seen any motivation in a while, and I've finally come to the realization that I am not a good music creator. I am musically inclined, but not in creativity. So, I've just put this aside probably permanently. It was in 2009 that I last tried to create any kind of music.

The Reflection phase: This is where I learn the most about myself, and what I'm currently experiencing now... starting today... the reason for this post. Usually I don't look at big events, but at the way I handle the emotions behind the events. Then I ask myself, why? Why do I think that way? Why do I (or don't I) connect with that? Why do I (or don't I) care? Things that are a big deal to me don't make sense compared to the things that don't. It's tough to learn about oneself when I'm inconsistent, I just finished college and all I can think about is playing video games, very strange.

I have several other smaller phases, like the Game-Creation phase. Programming to me is like my music inclination, I can do it but I get bogged down by lack of motivation. And my Classic Gaming phase where I break out old Nintendo and Sega games to relive nostalgia for a while. I even have an MMO phase where I try out many different Free to play MMO games to try and relinquish my thirst before Guild Wars 2 or SWTOR are finally released.

If you've actually read all of this, cudos to you. If after reading this, you come to the conclusion that my life can get consumed by video games, more cudos to you. And if you also come to the conclusion, after all this, that I really ENJOY this, you're wrong. I don't want it to be like this, but it still happens. I wish that my time was taken more by family, or friends, or even more video production stuff, things that actually MAKE SENSE to care about!

I wrote this more to declare that I am upset with myself in how I spend my time and my rare motivation, on the other hand though, I feel content with my life.

WTF...